SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Damn victory sex feels great
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
