Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just high enough for therapy.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
