im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
barbara walters just said penis...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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