508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
