hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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