I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
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When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
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Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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