I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
