Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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