So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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