Im at strip club and am horny
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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