He disabled his match.com account in front of me
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
