She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
