Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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