we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
