I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
