I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
