i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
