i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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