mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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