i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
