you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
