I can text with my tongue
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
this is an emotional support booty call
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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