i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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