After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
