No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize