imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
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