I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
