I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
