I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
