Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
