I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I've blown a few things in my day
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
