i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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