tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
