Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
