Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Text me some of your sweat
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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