apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
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For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
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Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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