I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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