matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
