were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
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I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
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But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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