Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
