bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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