oh god the rape fog is back!
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
