I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
