Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
