Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
bring money and cleavage
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
