at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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