In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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