I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I think my moral compass just broke
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
