I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
