fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
