I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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