I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
