I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Welp...herpes.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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