I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My life is pants optional.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
