All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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