Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
