I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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