You smell like a Billy Joel song
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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