I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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