You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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