Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
