He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
