Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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