Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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