Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
What a dumb baby whore.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
