Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
