Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
