We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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