I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
This is classic penis vs brain.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
