Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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