Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
