ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
