I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
