Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
