Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
