It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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