she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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