Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
