At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Fuck appropriateness.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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