i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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