Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think I have vodka in my lungs
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
