There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Enjoy the penises
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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