Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
