my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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