Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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