I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist