my phone needs a breathalizer
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.