Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
fuck your aforementioned shoe
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I think I gave a random lady a dildo