I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.