I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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