My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
